Gontier-Girl 's Fanfiction 2

I looked up from where I was sitting, in the van. Terrified of what would come next. I saw the large white building ahead. The CAMH. Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. Mental health. That was an insult. But it was something I would have to live with. I was still terrified. What would happen next? What would I do without the drugs? What would I become? I should be glad that I'm turning my life around, but I wasn't. I was scared, scared of what would happen next. About what would happen. What would I do without it all? What if I couldn't live without them? The alcohol, the drugs. The drugs numbed the pain, kept emotions out. Blurred the world out, made everything around me nothing, made it all go away and block it out, like there was a wall before it all. Without it all, the pain would return. The feelings would return. I would no longer be numbed; I would be able to feel. Would be able…  I would be normal. And that was exactly what I was scared of.  Of feeling hurt, being venerable. I was scared of being scared. Of… everything. Just it all. I was used to feeling 'inhuman', incapable of feelings. I was scared of the rest of the world.

The van pulled up. Barry, Brad, and Neil leaped out into broad daylight. Something I did not want to do. I did not like the light. I preferred the dark. "Adam, c'mon. Get out here." Barry yelled. I was shaking. I just noticed now. I shook my head. "No. I'm not going out there. I changed my mind. I don't want to do this." "Fine, Adam. Then you're gone. Get going." "No! I'll-" "We told you your options. Choose." Brad piped up. He was usually quiet but spoke up when he needed to. I sighed, resigned. "Fine. But you're not getting me out there. You'll have to drag me." "Fine with us." I heard Barry and Neil curse something under their breaths. Then they picked me up by my feet, carrying me more like a stage-diver than what I thought they would do.
Once they dropped me I got to my feet in front of the Centre. Naomi ran up quickly, jumping from her place in the van. "Naomi! I told you, stay in the van."  She grabbed me from behind, holding me tightly. Tears ran from her eyes, seeped through my shirt, sending a chill down my spine and feeling like it was soaking me to the bone. It felt like her tears were seeping into my bones. "Adam, wait, please. I… we sent you here so you would step away from the edge you're falling off of. Please, just… get better. Please. I'm not even asking. Please." She begged me. "Get better?" I asked coldly, "I'm not sick." "Depression is a kind of sickness. Addiction is a kind of sickness. Wanting to-"  "Naomi! Enough. Okay? Just…enough." I shook her off and walked away, wondering what I had just done. Wondering what I had become. Wondering what was ahead.